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"Google's Hypocritic Oath"


As a 'Googler", I swear to fulfill to the best of my ability and judgement this covenant:

I will do harm to competitors while claiming to be their victim.

I will use double negatives like "don't be evil" to simulate sincerity and maintain 'plausible deniability.'

I will defend Google's legendary secrecy and lack of transparency by explaining secrecy is what keeps the Internet 'open'.

I will claim Google works for consumers even though all of Google's revenues come from advertisers.

I will defend Google claiming hundreds of thousands of search results, even though no one looks past the first or second screen of search results.  

I will argue broadband is the only technology people use to access the Internet and deny that search and browsers are Internet access technologies.

I will say that "excluding, burying, and blacklisting" Internet content with an algorithm for a fee, is not the same as "blocking, degrading and impairing" consumer access to Internet content for a fee.

I will defend Google's selling of consumers' privacy to the highest bidder as 'helping' the consumer.

I will maintain that 'discrimination' by algorithm is OK, but 'discrimination' without an algorithm is not.

I will divert people's attention from Google's real and growing dominance of both Internet search and the caching of most all digital information, by stirring up hypothetical concerns over net neutrality. 

In short, I will tell people to: 'do what I say, not what I do.'