Google’s Mission Statement Updated – A Satire

Last week the Financial Times asked Google CEO Larry Page in an interview on Google’s ambitions if Google needed to update its well-known mission statement: “To organize the world’s information and make it universally accessible and useful.”

Mr. Page actually responded: “I think we do, probably. We’re still working that out.” 

Top Ten Suggested Google Mission Statement Updates – A Satire   

1. “To commoditize the world’s competitive products and services and make them universally inaccessible and useless.”
2. “One world database, one world network, one world computer, one world winner: Google.”
3. “To run the world based on Mr. Page’s ideas, values and ambitions.”
4. “To surveil all, know all, decide all, replace all and control all.”
5. “To automate the world’s jobs because people don’t scale.”
6. “Megalomania is the new black.”
7. “Let them eat code.”
8. “Google uber alles.”
9. “10x this.”
10. “You will all be assimilated; resistance is futile.”